TigerTalk  |  SEPTEMBER 3, 2013 7:02AM

Of police statistics on gangsters and land injections

Story by
[email protected]

tiger-talk-logo-redyes-v2Tiger takes a quick romp around town for Merdeka Day, is puzzled about the breakdown of the number of gangsters in Malaysia and amazed at how the police came up with numbers, seemingly from nowhere. And he wonders if they could help a Malaysian businessmen injecting Iskandar landed assets into a Singapore company.

Don’t know about you, but Tiger had a great weekend. Every year on Aug 31, Tiger makes a trip out of the (corporate) jungle and watches the march past, mingles with the people, has some refreshments… you know… sembang with the people, fellow Malaysians, be it the over-zealous mat rempit or the pak cik and mak cik who really fought for independence.

Now we are 56 years old… if Malaysia was a journalist she would be a pensioner, probably sitting around using up EPF money, while talking about how good things were back in the day… back when there was no Astro (to show us lousy, third rate movies), or the Internet which enables Tiger and his male friends to erm… surf the net for the latest in baking technology…

On the issue EPF money lasting for only a short few years, Tiger will share his views on another day.

Malaysia SoldiersAnyway Tiger gets a kick seeing our soldiers with paint on their faces — camouflage they call it — our tanks which we probably overspent on, and a whole host of other stuff, all green and olive coloured.

Tiger will endure all this, for Tiger loves his country.

What? How many people were there watching? And how many were involved in the march-past and all? How many people watched from their home? (Never mind how much was spent, that could be sensitive, and Tiger would be called unpatriotic and all), but how to know all this?

Tiger has to say Ngo Em Chee (for those less multi-lingual than Tiger, that’s Cantonese for “I don’t know”)…

But actually judging by the recent turn of events, you just have to ask the police. And you will get precise numbers. Actually the police seem to have a knack for exact numbers. But Tiger would like to point out that there is a difference between precision and accuracy.

Heck since they are so good, so precise with numbers maybe we should have a new name for them, Jabatan Polis dan Perangkaan Malaysia, and merge the two entities. We could hire a whole lot of suits and set up a task force to implement the merger.

But seriously — for the cops to come out saying that there are 40,313 gangsters in the country and 28,926 of them are Indians, 8,214 are Chinese, 1,923 are Malays, while only 329 are Sabahans and 921 are Sarawakians — is indeed a breakthrough in precision.

Imagine that in the whole of Sarawak and Sabah there are like 1,200 gangsters only… oops that is not precise enough. Its 1,250, so sorry.

Tiger wonders how the two states function without enough gangsters. Compared this to West Malaysia where (although denied), the gangsters are linked to politicians. Maybe if you include the politicians the numbers of gangsters would be at a more believable level.

Maybe we should make our speed signs more precise. Instead of the usual 80km/h, we can have 82.346 km/h.

Anyway, sometimes it’s bad that the police take the people to be so stupid. Actually if they did some research they would realise it’s a mutual feeling.

Some say the good showing by the cops must be from them havAP I MYS MALAYSIA POLICE DAY PARADEing computers these days as opposed to typewriters. Remember them (the cops) typing with two fingers? Remember the good old days, when they were quite useful and people actually looked up to them?

Back to their detailed numbers of gangsters; considering they have such specifics, curbing gangsterism should be a cinch.

The cops even came out with gang logos and made them illegal. What were they before they became illegal? Legal?

Tiger is sure to be on some of the logos, much to Tiger’s dismay and horror.

Another thing bugging Tiger is that these groups are supposed to be secret societies… so how come they are on Youtube and Facebook? Maybe the definition of secret has changed over the years.

Anyway about the logos involving Tiger. To put things in perspective, Tiger is actually classy, peace loving and non-violent, enjoys the occasional glass of port and stogie, and on days like the National Day celebration Tiger goes one step further, and has a well-aged single malt with a Cohiba, pondering how our police force is likely to be the best in the world if their revelations are indeed accurate.

But then again there is no telling how they, the cops, came up with the statistics. Otherwise, other countries could outsource intelligence services to our cops. It could be like business process outsourcing or BPO, and we could float the company’s shares and make tonnes of money.

Wonder how accountable the cops would be to their shareholders… maybe not at all, like they are with the general populace and crime.

Tropicana Corp Danny Tan Chee Sing

Danny Tan Chee Sing

Speaking of money, accountability and the markets, perhaps Danny Tan Chee Sing who controls Tropicana Corp could do with some assistance, Tiger thinks. Whether it’s from our — oh so efficient cops — Tiger cannot not say, but some help is indeed needed.

Tan is injecting a RM3 billion, 762-acre tract of land in Iskandar into a Singapore outfit, for shares which will see him emerge as the largest shareholder. This is happening while he is the dominant shareholder of Tropicana Corp.

Why have Malaysian assets in a Singapore listed company? Wouldn’t Albedo compete with Tropicana eventually?

It seems Tan explained his move to a group of analysts… but Tiger was not invited for the briefing. Considering how good the police are with numbers, maybe Tan should have invited them too, and they would have made better sense of the corporate moves, than the analysts.

Wonder if they would wear their “Jangan rasuah saya badges” to analysts’ briefings or go “sekarang macam mana” when they see an avenue to collect some.

Tiger really wishes that the authorities, be it the police, the army, or whoever take some trouble coming out with announcements.

Don’t take the general populace out to be stupid, and don’t think that their announcements are the only avenues the public have to verify their statements.

An already tarnished image can get worse if the police keep making such foolhardy statements… fikir skit la brader.


comments powered by Disqus